- ACCEPTING YOUR SINGLENESS
- by Dr. Ken Matto
- Coming to the point of accepting your singleness will allow you to
experience a freedom in the service of Christ. When one refuses to accept their single
state, it sets a Christian in a state of bondage which will have heavy effect upon their
life as a Christian. At this juncture I wish to discuss some of the freedoms which will
develop in your life only if you will accept your singleness and not reject it.
- AVOIDS THE PAINS OF LONELINESS
- When a person refuses to accept their single life, they tend to
focus on a spousal search. A spousal search may be all consuming because everything we do
or every event we attend will always be under the umbrella of searching for a mate. This
limits our vision, creativity, and our ability to be useful to others. If we will focus on
Christ as our source of life instead of a spouse, He will ably fill any void we have. The
phrase "lonely Christian" is really an oxymoron. If a Christian is lonely, it is
normally by their own design. Loneliness, like depression, is generated when a person
begins to focus on themselves, and in time they realize how inadequate they are to control
- If a person focuses on themselves, failure will come, especially if
you are a Christian because God cannot allow any of His children to live independent of
Him. If a Christian is lonely, many times it can be traced back to a conscious decision
that was made. The simple way to reverse loneliness is to focus on the person of Christ,
and place your entire being in His capable hands. 1 Peter 5:7: "Casting all your care
upon him; for he careth for you." Focusing on Christ will get the focus off us. When this is done in
sincerity, loneliness will flee.
- Frees Your Mind
- If you accept your single state which God has put you in, it frees
up your thought process. This is important because every move we make, whether sinful or
obedient, is first prepared in the mind. When the cloak of self-centeredness is removed
from the mind, it clears up our thinking, and we then become "right thinking
Christians," in which God can now use in His work. When a persons mind is
focused upon themselves, they have little or no concern for others, but when our minds are
focused on Christ, we are liberated to do the things of God without any mental barriers.
- Opens Doors of Opportunity
- When you accept your single state, it gives you a clearer picture of
opportunities that are before you, in contrast to seeing things through a clouded mind.
You will begin to look at the needs of others with a clear understanding. You do have a
part in the Great Commission.
- Builds Trust In God
- When we accept anything the Lord gives us, we build trust and
confidence in Him. Once we have begun to build a level of confidence in God, we will also
see ourselves complaining less. We realize that God is not out to destroy us, but is
building our faith and character. As we continue to grow in Him, our self-desires will be
exchanged for a desire to know God better. Once this happens, we grow in our Christian
walk and as a growing Christian single we will become lights to those who walk in darkness
and we can help free our Christian brothers and sisters from the chains of self.
- Accepting Yourself
- Many single Christian wonder if there is something wrong with them
because they do not have a spouse. I thought this way for a long time because I
wasnt tall and skinny (Im still not), but God showed me the flesh means
nothing to Him. What I mean by that is that God does not care what you look like, because
He has placed spiritual gifts and talents in every believer and He wants us to develop
them. Every single believer is part of the mighty army of the living God as well as every
married believer. (1 Samuel 17:26)
- Do not believe the theory that just because a person is married,
they possess more wisdom than you. God doles out His wisdom to believers for them to
handle different situations. The married person has wisdom to handle situations pertaining
to marriage, while the single has wisdom to handle situations pertaining to the single
life. Neither group is favored with a higher level of wisdom. Satan also tries to snare
the single believer into believing they are less than qualified because of some type of
body malady. Satan quenches many single Christians with this strategy. He did it to me for
a while but Gods truth can easily override Satans base strategies.
- Will Help Avoid a Disastrous Marriage
- If a person refuses to accept their singleness, they may decide to
marry the first person that comes along. This type of marriage could end in disaster.
Pressure marriages always start with the wrong reason and end in great consternation. If a
person believes they have pressures and frustrations before this type of marriage, wait
until it ends, you may wind up physically sick and spiritually distraught. Avoid pressure
dating and you will avoid many troubles.
- Accepting our singleness will give us a great leap forward in our
Christian walk. It calms our fears by making us realize that it is God who has planned our
life and that we may trust His wisdom. We have faith in God with great confidence as Paul
records in Philippians 1:6:
- (Phil 1:6 KJV) Being confident of this very thing, that he which
hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
- Being single no longer carries with it the stigma of being odd. Oh,
we will still get ribbing from our family and friends, especially parents who want to see
their grandchildren. But we remain confident that God knows what He is doing when it comes
to our lives, since He knows us better than we know ourselves. Isnt it better that
absolute wisdom run our lives than emotionally sin-tainted wisdom. If you are having
trouble accepting your singleness, then ask the root question, "Is it really God that
I do not trust?" Singleness is not a curse but it can be a blessing. Learn the
liberating secret of being a single Christian by reading and appropriating the Scriptures
and avoiding the worlds definitions. The world is passing away but we are not.