Nine
Principles for
Dealing with Disabled People
By
Dr. Ken Matto
On
August 28, 2018 I observed my 15th year as a disabled person becoming
disabled on August 28, 2003. I woke
up that Thursday morning and my hip was really hurting plus it was weak.
I thought at first that I had pulled a muscle or twisted myself when I
was sleeping but my situation did not get any better and I find myself 15 years
later still disabled which will remain that way unless the Lord heals my legs or
my transition to glory. Some things
I have learned over these 15 years which may be of help to those who deal with
disabled people or just have friends who are disabled.
I want to offer some suggestions that will prevent anxiety in that
relationship. Many times people who
do not suffer from any disabilities may accidentally do things which could cause
more problems for the disabled person.
I do hope that you consider these things because it helps alleviate
stressful situations.
1)
Don’t Just Show Up, Call Ahead!
Many
times people will just show up without any notice and it can cause problems with
a disabled person because they may be in the middle of something where they
might not be able to finish in a few seconds and this places much stress on an
already taxed person. Call ahead,
even if it is only ten minutes ahead but it allows the disabled person an
opportunity to either accept the company at that time or postpone maybe for
another hour or so. Believe me, it
is very courteous to call ahead. It
takes a disabled person longer to get dressed or complete tasks than other
people.
2)
Set Proper Time Parameters
There
is another thing which is discourteous and that is when a repairman or mechanic
coming to the house to do some work and they do not set up a time parameter.
There were times I had to go out and get some food and the person would
call me and tell me they would be there in 5 or 10 minutes.
Well that happened to me when I was 14 miles away and the person called
and told me ten minutes. Well how
could I drive back 14 miles to the house in 10 minutes?
If you are going to visit a disabled person to do some work at their
residence, then give an accurate window of time so they can be prepared to
receive you. There were times I was
given a certain time and that person would be two hours late, I literally got
light headed waiting for the person because I could not get out to eat.
3)
Never Move Things Around in the House or Discard Anything Unless Asked
Another thing that can create a problem is when people come into a house of a
disabled person and move things around.
For example, I use plastic bags to carry items from one room to another
and therefore I stage them in various places where I will use them.
Many times I have gone to get the bag and it was gone.
Either it was moved or it was thrown out.
Disabled people place things in different places for reasons of
convenience, not for someone to move or throw out.
This is especially important for those folks who do house cleaning.
Whenever you move an object, make sure you put it right back where you
found it. I remember a few times
that my lamps were turned off because the cleaners had tried to turn them on by
the switch on the lamp itself but could not get them to work.
I have all my lamps on remote switches so all one has to do is just use
the remote but if the disabled person is never asked about the lamps and they
need light in the middle of the night and the lamp is turned off without a word
being said, then that creates a major hardship.
This could be exacerbated if the person has to get to the bathroom at
night and they have no light and therefore cannot find their slippers and this
could lead to the proverbial “accident.”
4)
Have Patience
Here
is something else which is rude. It
is when someone rings my doorbell and leaves in a few seconds so by time I get
out there, no one is there because of having no patience to wait.
Disabled people have all kinds of disabilities which hinder their ability
to move fast. When I was able to
walk without a cane, I could move fast but now I cannot and people who have good
bodies must realize that. If you do
not have the patience to wait, then don’t ring the doorbell without calling
ahead.
5)
Look at Life from their Perspective
A
disabled person has limited options in life.
What once came easy to them, now possibly comes hard.
Once I could get up and walk to anywhere I wanted, even distance walking
but now I am limited to only a certain distance I can walk without experiencing
leg pain or being out of breath plus I must use a cane.
We are limited to what our body can do and not what it cannot do.
We have had to switch our lives around and remove those things we used to
do and replace them with limited things that we can do.
What people with good bodies must understand is that disabled people did
not ask to be that way but the will of God has made us this way to work out His
plan.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
Isaiah 55:8 (KJV) Do we always know why these things happen?
No we do not because God is not obligated to tell us but we can be sure
of one thing, our disability was not done out of dislike for His children.
Do I miss being on the preaching circuit?
You bet I do especially at this time in history when there is so much
heresy being proclaimed in churches and among Christians in general.
6)
Visit once in a while and bring a Pizza
Disabled people know that other folks cannot come and sit with them all day.
That is not what is being asked.
A visit from friends once in a while even for a few minutes does a lot to
brighten up the day. I estimate I
spend about 99% of my time alone and every once in a while someone comes to
visit or I will have a conversation with a neighbor for a few seconds.
These visits may not last long but it tells a disabled person that they
are not forgotten and that they still have value even when they are sequestered
because of their physical problems.
The alone time also helps me develop Bible studies and articles for posting on
the internet, so it does not go to waste.
7)
Disabled People Create Routines
A
disabled person will create routines for themselves which make their existence a
little easier. For example they may
shower every day at a specific time.
They may eat at specific times.
They may go to bed at specific times.
Do not try to undercut their routines because they are a necessary thing
in the life of a disabled person.
If you think of a way they can do something more easily, then make the
suggestion but if it is not accepted, do not take offense.
They have to evaluate if your suggestion will help or make it harder.
Remember, you are not the one who is disabled, they are, and with that
disability has had to come many life shifting routines and habits.
Their routines may seem a little out of sorts, but it may be designed to
ease their daily living.
8)
Disabled People Normally Need More Rest
When
your body is operating below standard, it means you have to exert more strength
just to do the normal routines, even walking.
A disabled person normally will be more tired at the end of the day and
may need to have more hours of rest because their body has to work twice as hard
as those who have good bodies. So
if a disabled person states that they do not get up till 10 or 11 AM, then be
courteous and do not ring their phone or knock on their door at 8 or 9 AM in the
morning. If they have e-mail, then
send them an e-mail and they will see it as soon as they are awake and then they
can call you.
9)
Disabled People Do Need Help
There
is no denying it that disabled people do need help but that does not mean they
will guilt manipulate you into staying all day or doing it for nothing.
Many times I need milk, need to have a package taken to the Post office,
be pushed in a wheelchair from point A to point B, even to have a heavy package
from UPS brought into the house, etc.
The Lord has raised up a friend I have known for over 35 years to help me
in these many situations who lives around the corner from me.
He raised up the couple who discipled me as a new Christian who also live
close to me and they put up my curtains and a Roman Shade.
Another brother helped me on the day of my move from Edison, NJ to here
in Whiting, NJ. For those who help
me, I try to compensate them for their time and use of vehicle.
If you are able to help a disabled person, then meet with them and ask if
they can consolidate their needs for doing things at one time.
Sometimes it is hard to do that but you make every effort.
A disabled person will not try to manipulate those who help them.
I personally will not call anyone for help if it is something I can do
myself, even if I must do it slower.
I will never presume upon a friendship.
Final
Thoughts
As a
disabled person, I really appreciate those who help me when I need it.
Disabled people are sometimes misunderstood because of the way they have
to live their lives. It has no
reflection on friends or family but they must readjust their lives because this
is a new era which will probably last until the time the preacher stands over
them and says “He or she looks so natural.”
Try to understand the situation that the disabled person is in and you
will have greater appreciation of them because always remember, the next
disabled person could be you. He
who has ears to hear!